Titine

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The room was buried in bright luminance, but yet he did not close his eyes.
The big and once so harmonic bedroom was like mentioned before, buried in a bright and tingling light, he could no longer discern the contours of the furniture, nor he could describe the interiors different colours and tones. The mist he found himself in made it hard for him to even see straight, the only thing he could see was the picture of how his beloved had once lied in the big bed, but every time he had convinced himself that she was there, he looked up only to find that she was not there.
He felt like he was just a hollowed-out tree trunk, all of his senses were colliding chaotic inside his head and he felt how he slowly started to lose the ability to feel. He lost his grip of the wine-bottle and it hit the floor, to him in quiescence, but to the world with a loud bang. He leaned back in his chair. He sweated like he had a fever of the worst kind; his un-buttoned shirt did not help much, nor did the open window. A curtain flickered and he could remember how she used to stand by that window and look out over the streets and gondolas of Venice. The memory was so clear that he could almost feel her graceful body in his arms and feel the wonderful scent of her long, curly brown hair. But the memory of her wasn’t enough; he needed to see her standing there. His breath got heavier and heavier and the scenario from before took over his thoughts.

In the same bedroom, for merely a month ago, he had been sitting on the same chair, however he was not in decay, he was experiencing true happiness and he was without sorrows. He had been watching over her as she slept. Her expression radiated nothing but harmony and peace. He looked at her like he was under a wizard’s spell, until a pebble hit the window and he realized how long he had been sitting there. He quickly glanced at the street and saw hordes of children playing happily. With a smile on his lips he kissed his beloved goodbye before he took off. He left the picturesque house and walked down the canal, crossing bridges and arrived shortly to the market.

He was at present in the middle of Venice, the year of 1781. He was nothing but a modest fish-salesman who worked hard to provide for enough food and other necessary supplies. She, on the other hand, was a nobility, born and raised in a distinguished acquaintance. They had met only a year ago, when she has first arrived to Venice. She, in company with her family, her friends and her servants had visited the vivid market because her father, a count from Rome, had traveled all the way to Venice to trade goods with the markets leading salesman. He had been working like he always did in his market stall, paying little attention to everything that did not involve fish or customers. It was when he was loading boxes containing fish that he, against all odds, for just a moment, met her gaze. That moment felt like an eternity. It would not be fair to call her angelic, because she was more beautiful than that. With a splendid hair-do her long and elegant neck was revealed, her beautiful lips, cute nose and innocent eyes was like a thousand Christmas eves, along with a posture that belonged to a queen. Unfortunately he was forced to return to reality very fast as he dropped the box and the ground below him was filled with fishes of all kinds. He realized what he had done, stepped aside and looked up once more to find her, but she was vanished. Customers were calling and he involuntary went back to take their orders.
Next night he saw her again. It dusk and he was on his way home from the days work. She along with two other ladies was walking in direction to the big Crocetta-park. Almost unaware, he followed them, but soon lost them. Every night in the Crocetta-park there was some kind of festivity, and this night was not an exception. They fired fireworks, they ate loads of food and desserts and couples danced to music on a big arranged dance floor. Men and women in masks strolled past him and he suddenly felt lost. He looked back and realized that he had slipped through the big gate, which was guarded by guardians. He could not get out of there without being caught. He fumbled and stumbled until he at last wandered onto the dance floor. The couples dancing took no notice of his existence. He got pushed from side to side until he could not stand tall, that was when she grabbed him and took the lead. Suddenly he stood there, with her, dancing to the music. He was so taken by the sudden initiative that he could only shutter a few syllables. They were in particular the dance floor’s oddest couple. He, wearing a white, dirty, shirt, a west and simple pants, and she dressed in a valuable, splendid dress with a matching mask.
‘May I ask of your name?’ was his question.
For an answer, he received a kiss.

He arrived to the market and joined his fellow colleagues in the fish stall. It didn’t take long until people poured in and he got his hands busy. It had been 5 days since the masquerade in the Crocetta-park. He could already call her his lover and his soul mate. Since he has entered his life he had been living like it was all a dream. He valued her higher than himself, and he knew that she felt the same way about him. He thought of her. He thought of how he would wrap his arms around her when he got home, he thought about how he would tell her that he loved her more than life itself.
When he hours later arrived home, she was right there, in the armchair. She had released her brown curly hair, wearing a pretty simple, but beautiful dress. He walked over to her, wrapped his arms around her and drowned in her passionate kisses. He remembered how he had always wished for life to be like that. And it did, for several weeks he was happier than ever. They were lovers loving each other more than anyone could every love another. How could such a goddess love him? After all he was nothing but a salesman. Why had she not chosen to be with someone else? Another man? Another man with more to offer?
One night he arrived home late, but he was not met by the same love and desire that he usually would face, he was met by nothing. She was not there. The night passed and soon the sun was rising again. He stood in his stall, working. He still had not seen her. It was when he looked up that he catched a glimpse of her in the crowd. In the middle of it, she along with another man was talking. The man was in his own age, possibly a tad older. He wore a fancy coat and there was no doubt he was a nobleman. He watched them as he piled fishes. One of his friends stood by him and watched the couple along with him.
‘You sure have found one of the most beautiful women out there’ he said and gave him a pat on his back. He nodded slowly.
‘Where have you been?’
‘Just about everywhere’ was her answer. They stood in the hall and he looked at her suspiciously, but he could not allow himself to question her love. The weeks went by and they loved more for each day passing, but he could not stop wondering who the man she had been talking to was.

Days later his love told him that she has been blessed, she was awaiting a child. By all means he was happy, but they were not wed, could the baby belong to someone else? No, it was absurd to think something like that. His beloved would never let herself be satisfied by someone else but him. But, they were not wed, and they were not engaged. They had not entered any kind of relationship other than lovers, but do you not have to be forever faithful to your lover? No, you don’t. But their love was so enormous, so devoted and so infinite. But was it to her? The days passed and the baby was expected, they lived together in harmony, but marriage had not been mentioned. Everything was at peace, until that day, the 29th of June 1781.
She and the man in the fancy coat were talking, again, but this time only a few meters away from his fish stall. Just like before, they were laughing, conversing. He touched her arm and she giggled. She giggled the same giggle that she had always given him. Without thinking, he stood up and walked over to them.
’The child belongs to him, doesn’t it?!’
‘Did I not give you everything you ever wanted?!’
‘I was devoted, I would have returned from death for you!’
Attack after attack, statement after statement poured out of his mouth. When he had gotten it all out, everything that had been weighed down his heart for so long, he looked at her.
Her expression made his heart heavier than it had ever been before. With tears in her eyes, rosy cheeks and without a word she turned around and ran. He was like frozen to the ground. What had just happened? What had he done?
The man who had talked to her earlier had not uttered a single word during the whole scene. He turned against him.
‘I am Maximilian Von Athol, who are you that has the nerve to speak like that to my sister?’
He stared at the ground. Of course, all the pieces fitted. He ran as fast as he could with such a heavy heart. He had to find her, nothing could excuse his behavior, and he did not deserve her. He did not deserve her? He stopped. It was a couple meters left to his home, but he still stood sti...