My First Love

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I stared at her. I felt warm, but also embarrassed. I don’t know why. Finally, she looked up. Her look swept over me, but I had already turned away. I started to freeze. Freeze to ice. I couldn’t think. I just looked through the book right into the floor. I thought to myself that I should confront her with my eyes, but it turn out to be a failure every time. And I didn’t know this neither.
The next day I met her in the corridor. Once again, I felt embarrassed. She said hello to me, at least I thought it was to me, and I tried to say something back, but all I could come up with was a very weak and bad hi. I regretted it immediately.
Hours later, when I walked home through the snow, I came to think about that I wore a T-shirt in the middle of the winter, and I didn’t even froze. The only thing that were in my mind was her. I looked up in the sky and saw clouds. The clouds transformed and twisted into several different weird things. But in some or other way, they all looked like her. When I looked more deeply I also saw a horde of balloons going back and forth. There were a soccer game on Wimbledon today. They do so pretty often.
I came home and put the radio on. They always seemed so happy. Always talking about the good weather and which good song this and that were. But all I wanted it to be was the next day. Suddenly, I felt heavy. A huge test was going to take place tomorrow and I haven’t studied a thing. But, I really didn’t care. Never done and I don’t do now neither.
The very next, the teacher laid down the tests, which I suddenly realize that it was way more then I have studied on. I quickly answered the few questions a knew the answers to and vanished smoothly out from the room. What I should do next was still unsure, yet, I wanted to be with her. But everything always turned out to be exactly as I didn’t want it to. Maybe that was my destiny. A destiny I absolutely positively didn’t choose.
The chair was empty. The whole classroom were empty. The lesson shouldn’t start in another half-hour. Maybe I wasn’t good enough for her. Maybe I should forget it all. But I can’t blame myself for my feelings. The emotions I have is the emotions I have and I cannot change them, nor effect them. Nothing more then that, I continued to think for myself.
And in the middle of my philosophy she, the one and only, entered, and everything in my head became a huge mess. I looked at her, and in some strange way I thought that it was more natural to do this now more then in the main classroom on the lesson. She said a much too strong hi then I could return, but I thought to myself that mine was pretty alright after all. Because she started to walk towards me, gliding smoothly between the desks. I wondered what she had in her mind. But no too long. She took a seating next to me and grabbed my hand with hers. I l...