Burning

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My heart was beating loudly.
Was it what I think it was?
No, impossible.
He can’t know where I am.
Or has he found me?

* * *

Seven years ago, I met a man. He was everything I’ve ever dreamed about. I thought.
He was good-looking, smart and nice to me.

But after a few months, everything changed.
He wouldn’t let me go outside alone; he told me that I couldn’t have any contact with my parents, because they could tear us apart.
He was very jealous and thought that I was unfaithful.
And because of that he punished me.
He hit me, slapped me and told me that I was worthless.
That I should be lucky that one man loved me.
And now, I wasn’t anything than just a shell.

One day, that day, he came home early from work.
I was always at home, he wouldn’t let me meet my friends, go shopping or work.
Some days he came home two or three times, just to check that I was home, cleaning the house, laundering or cooking.
I was sleeping; I didn’t have anything left to do that day.
I woke up when he dropped something in my face.
The last thing I can remember is him, putting me on fire.


* * *

I tried to move silently, but I felt like every step I took, sounded as loudly as an earthquake.
”Find a weapon”.
I crept into the kitchen, looking for a knife.
Then I saw a fire out in my garden! The flames created three letters – D I E !

I froze, I couldn’t move.
I felt a scream coming up, but it stopped in my throat.
“Call the police”.
I silently walked to the kitchen sink; the telephone was placed over it. No tone!
In that moment I felt like all my hope disappeared.
But NO! I couldn’t let him win again
If I could just see him!
I didn’t know if he was! Maybe outside, but maybe inside…


The only thing I knew was that he as not in the kitchen. So this was my area.
I had to find out a way, so I could hear him if he was approaching.
I opened the door to the refrigerator, and took out the strawberry-jam.
I lay down and crawled to the opening to the kitchen, I pulled my hand in the tin and smeared it on the floor.
“Cornflakes?”
I opened the door to the larder and took the cornflakes. I took some of it and put in the floor, and spread it out on the floor, so much that he couldn’t take just one step to not walk on it.


I took my knife and crawled to the kitchen table, so I could hide behind it, and be a little more invisible.
I touched the edge of the knife carefully, and started to bleed.
I thanked my lucky star that it was sharp.


Then I heard silent footsteps in the hall.
Now he was near.
I tried to breath as quiet as possible.
Then I heard the crushing of the flakes and he slipped on the jam and fell to the ground with a thud.
I had never been as fast up on my feet as in that moment when I ran to him.
In his eyes, in the lightning of the moon, I could see his anger and rage.
But then MY anger came upon me like a bolting train and I stabbed him in his shoulder.
He screamed due to the anger.


In that moment, if felt like my face was burning, and I couldn’t control myself.
I stabbed him in his belly and sat myself down on him. I felt his warm blood through my pants.
- Martin, how does it feel? I screamed and I stabbed him over and over again until his eyes were shut.


On shaky legs I got up and walked out in the hall to get my cell phone.
Just as I was about to dial the number to the police, I felt his arms around me neck.


I was really surprised of the strength, and my blood was rushing up to my head, and thousand thought was coming trough my head, to find out a way how to get free of him.
I kicked him between his legs with my heel and his hands let go of me.
I took a deep breath, turned around...