The darkness, My only friend

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Helpless, forgotten, alone, afraid and sad, those words are just some few that match my childhood.

This is a story about my childhood that turned out to be my nightmare.

My mom got raped on a party, and it turned out that she got pregnant. After my birth mom decided to give me away to another family that were going to adopt me. My new family mom, dad and brother came to take me home with them. The lived in Manchester in a big nice house near the beach so everyday you could hear the waves and smell the fresh air.

My mom was young around 29, dad 30 and my brother 4 years old. My mom had that beautiful name Angela, the angel from heaven, dad was named by a city called Harbin and my brother was just called Daniel.
-So what were they going to name me?
I got the name David Bisson, a very ordinary name I thought.
I got a very close relationship with mom and Daniel but not dad because he worked in the economy business in Spain so he worked 4 months away and was home 1 month. Mom cried a lot because she missed dad, so she started to drink a lot alcohol and I even saw her take some pills. I was the one that had to give her comfort every time she felt down. Daniel was always at his uncle so he was never home to help me with mom. When dad came home from work mom got in a better mood and were almost the happiest person on the earth. But as soon as dad left for work she started to drink and take pills. I was only four years old and I didn’t get that kind of love from parents that a four years old child needed.
The more she drank and took pills, and the older I got, the more afraid I was of her temperament. I started to cry every time she got one of her attacks and I tried to hide. She started to shout at me about things that I never had done. She had sent Daniel to his grandparents that I thought were mine too, but they didn’t wanted to se me because I was adopted. So I had to stay home alone with mom. Everyday with mom was like a hell. She was shouting at me for nothing, she punched me in my stomach and my head. My whole body was filled with bruises. I couldn’t defend my self, I was only four. She also started to call bad names like freak, ugly and she told me to stay out of her life. Those words didn’t mean so much then because I was so young and didn’t know the meaning of them, but I will always remember the evil in her face when she said it to me.
Then my dad came home from work and she started to behave normal again, that felt like a paradise. I just wanted to tell dad about mom but I had no courage to. Then dad left for work and everything became a hell again. Dad wasn’t home at my birthday.
-You can never guess what I got for present?
Five years of darkness.
Mom locked me in a closet. I didn’t even try to fight against her because I knew that she was stronger. And I thought it maybe would be better to be in a closet. She gave me a clean pot and bread everyday. Bread? That was the only thing I had to eat. When I looked at my self I could se that I was thin and that my whole body was filled with bruises. The closet was very small and uncomfortable.

Than one night after days of darkness I hears dad in the hall, he was home from work. I felt so weak then and I had no energy. I just sat there and listened to mom and dad when they were talking, I heard that mom told dad that I was at grandma.
“How will I ever get out of this prison”?
If I scream then dad maybe hear me. But I had no energy to.
Then dad left for work again and mom started to cry. Sometimes I heard mom with other men in the kitchen and she even took them into the bedroom were I heard them make love very loud.
It felt like I didn’t exist, that I only was a bowl of shit.
But then a day after years of darkness she locked me out.
YES I thought, now I’m free! But I wasn’t. Mom dragged me into the kitchen, she had to drag e because I had no energy to walk. In the kitchen I saw a big casserole with boiling water in I got very scared.
“What is she now going to do”?
I tried to fight against her, but she was stronger of course. She took a towel and wrapped it around my head to reduce my scream. Then she took my hands and forced them in the boiling water. It felt like my fingertips got an electric shock. Then when she took them up from the casserole they were red as blood. She relieved my hands with a bandage. My hands were like an opened wound. It hurt so much so much that I could scream but I had no courage to.
Then she looked at me with her evil eyes and dragged me into the bathroom and filled the bathtub with water. She took my head and holed it under the water for a long time. I tried to stay calm. After the bathroom she dragged me into the bedroom and over to the bed.
“No mom, not the closet please”
She tied my legs and my arms together with the bed, so I couldn’t escape.
I just sat therein the darkness and felt weakless. Later that evening I heard mum close the front door. This was the first time I was alone in the house. I thought that this is my only chance to escape. I tried to get the rope out of my hand but it was not so easy, because my hands still hurt after the boiling water. My hands got free and I looked around me to find something that I could use to take the rope of my legs. There was a box under the bed with a knife in. I used the knife to get free from the rope. The window was open in the bedroom so I jumped out and ran…
All I remember is that I fall and broke my arm and then their came a guy helped me to the hospital. And later I came to an orphanage when I was six.

I’m twenty now and I have been in trial a few times.
Mum is on a treatment place her in Manchester. Dad moved to Spain with his new wife after the trial. Daniel moved to Canada last year with his family, and I have no contact with them. The only one I have contact with is dad.
I have been at the treatment place a few times to visit mum. Maybe I’m stupid but I want to ...